HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SICKNESS: playing with perspective

I have a long-held belief that homosexuality is not a choice. It is a given. It is in our nature to be attracted to who we are attracted to.
This is not only true because I myself belong to this category and so consequently I can attest to that personally, but I also listen to stories of members of gay communities across different parts of the world (or at least those places that I have lived—and currently am living—in), and came up with this conclusion. However, I know that this thesis is disputed by the anti-LGBT movements, who say that aside of heterosexuality, other kinds of sexuality is not normal. Thus, the thing that we say as diversity of sexual orientations; they would say as “abnormality”, or even “sickness” [emphasis on the quotation mark].

However, this is my problem with the people who believe it—and if you’re happened to be one of them, I’m telling you that your belief doesn’t reflect in your everyday life the way it should have. If you think that homosexuals are abnormal people (hence they are sick, in your opinion), then treat them like one. Equate the homosexuals with the disabled, with people who have mental problems, with the HIV positives. Why? Because just by then, you would treat them with respect. You would not be going around shaming the disabled, would you? Because you don’t know how it feels to be in their shoes. This will stimulate the empath in you towards them.

Why do I feel like your belief doesn’t reflect in your everyday life? Because you don’t treat them as if you think they are sick. You shame homosexuals, said that they are less than animals because even animals don’t prefer to be on a same-sex sexual activities (which is not true, by the way, but I’m really trying hard to put myself in your shoes). You also play with logic to support your hateful attitude, when you for example say that homosexuals are not natural because they can’t reproduce (which I think again is a total BS, but you got a valid argument there). You don’t shame all these other groups of people which I mentioned before—the disabled, the depressed, the HIV positives; why? Because you know it’s not appropriate.

I remember a friend of mine told me that “heterosexuals would never understand how it feels to be a homosexual”—and I think this statement holds. To avoid my personal bias as a homosexual in this case, I tried to paint a different but similar picture. As someone who identifies as a cis-gender, I don’t understand what it feels to be a transgender; but I don’t judge them. Or if you think that I am still being bias in that case because transgender is just another form of abnormalities outside of heteronormativity, I can come up with this example: as someone who does not belong to a white race, I don’t go around insulting white people who experience reverse racism (although I have strong opinion about this because I don’t think reverse racism exist).

Some homosexuals wear their sexuality “on their sleeves”, I put it in my brain. Most people do. In Abby Hunstman (newest co-host of my favorite TV show The View)’s words, homosexuality is one of the topics that the conservatives can’t win; and mind this: she comes from a conservative background herself. This is a winning narrative, even from the loser’s point of view. So if you still hold an opposing belief, you’re one (or combination) of the following: a. you’re preaching pointless hatred, b. you don’t like to see anybody happy, or c. you hold dearly to your religion. If you’re the first two, I can’t reason with you because you’re simply a jerk. But if you belong to the last group, please go on and read this article because I have something to tell you.

Religions evolve. They just do. You can hold tight to your holy books, but it doesn’t mean that you can take them literally everytime. I can speak for Islam, for example—and yes, I identify myself as a Muslim, for those of you who questions; in fact, I feel my faith is fostered while maintaining my rationality. Verses in Quran are open for interpretation. You don’t believe this? Check your view on polygamy. Most of us (if not all) are opposed to polygamy because it’s just too outdated, for a number of reasons—women's rights, for instance.

Still related to the religious issue, people in the past treated the disabled as shameful, rooted from the fact that it is God’s punishment for something done by the parents. Now, and this is one of the few both logically-and-religiously-accepted views, disabilities are still perceived as God-given, but with nothing to be ashamed about. Even people are starting to campaign for the change of the term: it is not to be called ‘disability’ anymore, but ‘different ability’. They are embracing their God-given condition. It is unthinkable for religious people to not show remorse to people with disabilities nowadays, simply because this kind of treatment doesn’t exist anymore. There is a change in perspective; and more importantly, people act differently about it than they did in the past. You, as a religious person, show compassion towards the disabled, don’t you? You give them moral support, and help them in every way you can. In other words, you embrace them.

I can hear you say “but we don’t like to see homosexuals being proud about themselves, Ichsan. They are sick people”. First of all, if you think so, keep it to yourself. Second of all, it is not about being proud or not; it is about living in a society where the norms are not in your favor. When you are born as a male, unless you “come out” as homosexual, the society would automatically assume you longing for vagina. This might be confusing to some homosexuals, especially in a place where the society doesn’t accept them. In a place where they will be caned for just being homosexual, for example; it’s either they’re forced to stay in the closet for their own safety, or they have to push the boundaries and be “out and proud” and campaign for the acceptance of their kind. There is no in between.

Now imagine if there is no more hateful perception of homosexuality; when you really see it as how you claim you see it to be, a sickness; you will start to embrace them. This is true, again, in the context of a disabled person. Let’s just take for instance a person who are born with feet deformity. You will not want their parents to force them to walk; hell, you would even judge those parents to be unfit for parenting. On contrary, you would want them to be facilitated with a wheel chair so that they can live their lives with a bit more ease. Or, let’s see the case of people who are born deaf. You would not alienate them simply because they can’t communicate the way the rest of the people do; you will want them to learn sign language; and hell, you will even want to learn sign language to be able to communicate with them, don’t you?

To compare it with homosexuality; if you embrace homosexuals, you would want them to live their lives in any way they could possibly be. Same as you don’t want the deaf to be alienated, you don’t want the homosexuals to feel as if they are the outcast in the society. Like it is OK for the deaf to communicate the way they can, it is also OK for homosexuals to love the way they feel. Like it is impossible for some people who have feet deformity to walk as most people do, it is impossible for homosexuals to love people from opposite sex as most people do.

But there is no hatred there. And that is my point. When there is no hatred, the single thing you have left for a person who are different from you is empathy (at most) or respect (at least). If you want to call someone sick for being different, then be it. But don’t fuse it with hate; because once you do, that’s where your argument is losing.

[Originally published on my Facebook page, 2/12/18]